For Myself

I'm tired of

Everyone

Having the

Answers

Or telling me

How things

Should be

I'm tired of

Individuals

claiming

To be

Something they're

Not

And claiming

That I should be

Just

The same

I'm tired of

People

pointing their

Fingers

Only when

None are pointing

Back

I'm tired of

Always doing

What I know

Everyone else

Thinks is

Right

I'm tired of

Always saying

The things

I know

Everyone wants

To here

Most of all

I'm tired of

Being the hero

For so many

Others

While I've

Never really

Been one

For myself

Car Ride Connections

Rainy day
Car rides
With music
Soft
And sweet
With windshield
Wipers
Moving back
And forth
Removing
All questions
In friendly
Conversation
With warm
Hands connecting
Two
In that rainy day
Weather

Refrigerator Conversations

You said
He was sweeter
Than me
Granted that
Might be true
But right now
I can't
Jump start
This broken heart
All I can really do
Is move
So slowly
While listening
To yours beat
Every so sweetly
And hope
That if you don't
See the little
Things
I've left
For you
Someday maybe
You'll see
How even when
I couldn't speak
I left something
Which whispered
Everything

A Brief Moment

Freckles
That remind me
Of glittering stars
Orbiting around
The brownest suns
I have ever seen
That shine so bright
I have to

Sometimes
Look away
Hair
That's so dark
I get lost
Like on a summer night
And take a moment
To breathe in the refreshing
Air which dances all
Around me
Hands
So smooth
That the ocean
Must have
Taken such care
As it softly
Gave them shape
There are

So many

Things
I wish to say
But never can

When our

Eyes meet
For just a

Moment

Sometimes It Gets So Hard To Look Away From All Of This

Sometimes I have to

Remember

That this is real

This is me

And desperately

Look away

From everything

For a moment

To forget

How I desire

To look

At things

Instead of

Living them

Sometimes I have to

Remember

There is more

To life

Than just watching

Everything

While trying to

Figure out

the mystery

Sometimes I have to

Remember

That even my own

Story

Sometimes

Might be worth

Mentioning

Kitchen Counters And Daydreams

I like to write

On my kitchen counter

Nestled in a corner

Where the cupboards meet

And hug me

As I lean back

I like to dangle my feet

Just above

The ground

Tapping the counter doors

With my heals

In rhythm

With each

Line I

Create

I like to sit

Thinking to myself

And wonder

If there's anyone

Else

Out there

Sitting on

Kitchen counters

Nestled between

Loving cupboards

Comforted

By the fact

That someone

Out there

Might be

Doing

The same

Walt, Did You Ever Have To Push Carts?

At Work

I took a break

To push carts

Because we needed

Someone

To provide

For the masses

Who were

Too dumb

To even

push them back

In any order

So While

Out there

In the

Parking lot

Without all

The commotion

I was able

To breathe

And listen

To the trees

As the wind

Passed between

Their fingers

And through

My hair

I was able

To see

The raindrops

Touching

The pavement

Like fingers

Marching down

The arms of

Another

And I smiled

While pushing

My carts

I knew

I was truly content

Because out of

Everyone elses

Ignorance

I was

Free

Sidewalk Stories

I like to walk

Where the sidewalk

Intertwines

With shopping malls

And wilderness

Where people

Go whizzing by

On route 95

I like to imagine

What their driving

To

Or driving away

From

Here on this

Sidewalk

I imagine

What the people

Going into

The retail stores

Must want

But never find

Because no one

Really knows what isle

Answers are found

Or how much

They will cost

This is what

I like to do

When going for

A walk

Summer Nights

I've always

Liked

Sitting beneath

the starlit

Sky

And how

You can here

The trees

Whispering

Of calm summer

Nights

To the warm winds

That share it

With them

I've always liked

How the stars

Shine so bright

And glide

Across the sky

Back and forth

Like joyful

Conversation

Between close

Friends

I've always liked

So many things

About

Sitting under

Starlit skies

But what I've liked

The most

Out of all

These things

Was how I got to

Share them

With you

And how

Happy

I finally

Felt

Finally

At one hundred

I feel happy

For I said

So much

And still have 

So much more to

Say

I Was Never Much Of A Coffee Drinker

I never really

Understood

Why people

Get so upset

When they

Have to add

their own

Sugar

Or

Cream

They should be

Thankful

That there 

Is a place

Which will

Take their

Bitter and black

Reality

And make it

A little bit

Easier to get

Down

These Words Run Away Like Wild Children

Tonight

I'm trying so hard

To make these

Letters

Behave

Trying so hard

To make

These words

Sit up

Straight

Tonight my mind

Is a mess 

And there's

No one

To clean it

Tonight I wish

There was an

Adult

To get these

things in

Order

It's What You Make Of It

I believe

All good things

Never need to be

Spoken

That they come

In time

With understanding

Smiles

And devotion

To whatever you 

Believe

And that

If you remain true

To this then 

You will

Remain

Happy

What Worked For Me

You never really

Know yourself

Until you

Take the time

To think

About who you

Were

Who you

Are

And who you

Wish

To be

Even after that

You have to 

Strip yourself

Down

Be brutally 

Honest

See the wicked

The nurturing

The silly

And the

Serious

You need to

Explore ever crevice

Every thought

Pick it apart

Accept every demon

Every gift

and finally

You don't truly

Know who you 

Are

Until you find

The means

To appreciate

To accept

That everyone else

In their own way

Is doing

The same

Attempting Beautiful

I dream of

Waltzing

To something sweet

While something even

Sweeter

Smiles back

I dream of a

Lot of things

But one dream

I always have

Is waltzing

Under a starlit

Sky

And of the happiness

Of catching a glance

At something Bright

And shining

In eyes that are always

Smiling back

I dream of

Peace

As we move

In sync

In constant

Motion

While the world

These stars

Everything

Continues

Slowly spinning

In a commotion

I dream a lot

And it

Saddens me

To know

That while

I slumber

Most are often

Already awake

Progress

I've never really
Cared much
To share
The way I see
Thing
I've always thought
I was a little
Off
From what we call
Normal
But after saying
What I had to
Say
I was met with
Applause
And people who
Somewhat
Understand
So I guess I'm
Now stuck here
Wondering
Where to go
With this
Now?

An Invitation That I Never Accept

I was sitting
In my car
Waiting for
A friend
When a blond
Girl
Walked by
And looked
My way
She was
Cute
In tight
Jeans
And was smiling
At me
I felt good
But sad too
For I knew
No matter how hard
I tried
I'd never
Belong
To that world
Or to that
Smile

Journal Entry #

I don't consider myself a poet
I don't really consider this poetry
Instead I feel like a writer
Who finds it very difficult to
Stay on
One line
Honestly I've always considered
This a journal
But others have
Called it
Art
Maybe I should stop
Being so
Stubborn
And go with it like
I've always
Wanted
But who knows
Maybe I
Will
Someday
When I'm
Ready

Happiness

I'm tired for once
And tonight
Something is on my
Mind
That I don't care
To write
Because I've
Always known
When it goes
From in there
To here
Something gets
Misplaced
Lost
And tonight
With this thing
I just want to
Remember
Smile
And not try to
Write it all
Down
So that this thing
Will not have
The slightest chance
Of being
Forgotten
Or left
Behind

Not Always Ready

Sometimes
I want to
Capture
Something beyond
My understanding
And hours later
With countless pages
Filled
But never
Finished
I have to
Stop
And wait for a day
When I'm older
More experienced
In order to
Find the answer
To the question
Why?

Advice

Good guys
Never cared
What place
They finished
Jerks on
The other hand
Want to finish
First
Want to go for the
Gold
They want it
All
And never realize
There can only be
One first place
And that if you just
Try to beat your
Last best score
Nothing else
Really matters

Where I Go

Every night
I sit
With this
Pen
With this
Paper
Looking up at
These walls around
Me
I understand that
These are my
Limitations
These are my
Boundaries
Which are no longer
There
In my head
Every night
I sit
With this
Pen
And this
Paper
Discovering
Infinite
Possibilities
Outside
My own

The Joy Of Necessity

When I write
I feel as if
I've just touched
God's finger
I feel as if
I've just talked
To everyone
who ever existed
I feel as if
I've uncovered
An ancient
Secret
To share with
The world
Most of all
I feel as if
I could possibly
Sleep
For just one more
Night

No Lifeguard On Duty

There's no lifeguard on duty
Where I sit
There is only
All of those
Who ignore
The signs
And myself
On this beach
There are those
Who are burying
Each other
In the sand
One right
After the other
Never taking the
Time
Or chance
To look at
What they are
Doing
Or where
They are
At
There are those
Who are running
In sand
Making it difficult
To get anywhere
They are going
On this
Never ending beach
There are those
Who swim out
Past where their
Feet can touch
As they get bombarded
By waves
Taking the chance
Of never making it back
Because they can't stand
The sight of this place
Here I sit
On this beach
With all it's signs
Paying attention
To the most important
One of them all
There is no lifeguard on duty
To save
Any of us
If things
Went horribly
Wrong

Insomnia, Loneliness, And Tranquility

Some people
Think I'm
Unhappy
Some people
Need to
Think for
Themselves
I'm happy
To be doing
This
Happier
Then most
Will ever
Know

I Never Said I Had All The Answers To Our Problems

"Samuel"
She said
"It's been 3 weeks
Move on
Everyone has
Their demons
But we all
Put on
This face
You see?"
She smiled
At me
"You look
Upset
Do you
Want to
Talk?"
She asked
I said nothing
What was the use
I saw
Behind that smile
The look of fear
And desperation
In her eyes
I wasn't going to
Pretend
We all knew
The answers
I just knew
I had mine

Freedom

He had
A cage of
Metal
And wheels
That limited
His direction
Hell, his body
Didn't even
Work that well
He sat in the
Corner of Starbucks
Every day
And drank his
A.W. Root Beer
Talking to no one
Because no one could
Really understand
That fucker
Had it all figured out
And as did I
Or at least I
Pretended to
So every day
While on break
I sat beside him
And we watched
Together
All those people
Lined up
One after another
Talking in a
Language
That didn't make
Much sense
Always in a rush
To get somewhere
Other than where
They currently
Stand
We sat there
Watching every day
Knowing
These people
These drinks
These walls
Or even his chair
Meant nothing
Compared to what we
Shared

Why I Left So Long Ago

I came to realize
Most will never
Be happy
Most will try
To bring you down
Most will take
All that they can
And if you live there
With most
Of these people
You'll be just the same
Too

Casualties

The pages
Were kind
To me
Tonight
At first
They went
Far too slow
But then
They picked
Up their paces
Like soldiers
Marching
To battle
As it draws
Ever closer
With hopes
And dreams
Filled with
Aspiration
Only to be
Mowed down
By the
Ratta Tat tat
Of my fingers
Forcing them
To lay still
Be lifeless
Serving as a
Memory
Of the things
We've lost
And very rarely
Gained

Constant Commotion

At work
Everyone complains
At home
Everyone complains
At the gas station
bus stop
or elevator
Everyone complains
Hell
Even I complain
Sometimes
I think
A little too much
I just can't seem to figure out
Why so many others
Complain about the same things
Day in and day out
But never seem to try
And change
Or figure
This whole thing
Out

Always Holding Back

She can't dance
She breaks my
Dishes
She tells me I'm
Lazy
Because I type
Too slow
She never calls
But always
Comes over
While trying to
Convince me
That she's
Annoying
She makes me
Get her
Almost everything
I can't tell her
That I like
Her eyes
Or how her
Confidence
Makes me
Shy
I can't tell her
Lots of things
And I don't know
If she would care
For that matter
But I do know
That I'm happy
While she's
Around

Best Birthday Wishes

What should we do
For your birthday?
She asked me
Well, this isn't
What I had in mind
But with you gone
At least I have
Better company

No One Thanks A Host For Their Hard Work; Just Their Dinner

Sacrifice
For me
Is always
Holding back
The urge
To write
It all down
Without worry
Of everyone's
Specific tastes
Without worry
Of those who
Do not
Understand
What I bring
To the table
Without worry
Of how they might
Whisper
Amongst each other
After they Digest
And pick apart
All that I have
Given them
If only they knew
Of all the hours
And labor
Instead of
Just a glimpse
Of the end result
This sacrifice
Is knowing
That I just
Entertain
Those who wish
To be amused
While my best
Work is always
Slaving away
In the Kitchen

Bathroom Rituals

Once a week
I slump
And Slide
Below this
Reflective
Surface
Mixed with
Lotions
And oils
That caresses
My skin
And soothes
My Soul
While the
Warmth
Slowly seeps
Into my
Essence
Revitalizing
My mind
Filling it with
Commotion
And I sit there
Letting it all in
Allowing myself
To let go
Of this desire
Setting myself
Free
For just
An hour
No pen
No paper
Just me

Determination

I washed the

Bathtub 

Today

I've washed it

Almost every

Day

Removing the

Grime and 

Scum

I'm making up

For all the days

It was neglected

This was tough

At first 

But after weeks

Of bleached 

Red hands

And towels 

That will 

Never look

The same

I've begun to see

A reflection

On the surface

Staring back

At me

Monsters And Moments

Some nights

I can't take off

These headphones

For fear that I'll

Break down

When I listen 

To my own thoughts

Some nights

I think I'll lose

My mind

If I don't sink

Into my bathtub's 

Soapy water

Some nights

I think I'll explode

With emotion

And all these words

In my head

If I don't clean

Everything and anything

I can find

Some nights

Which are not

All that common

I find I can write

Not because I 

Have to

But because I

Love to

These nights

I wish to see

More often

When The Party's Over

Here I am

Again

Cleaning up

This kitchen

Cleaning up

This living room

Cleaning up

Everything

I guess I've always

Been the one

Who cleans up

Everyone's mess

While remaining

Always stable

Firm

Willing to organize

Sanitize

Everyone else's mess

Just like in life

Here I am

Again

Cleaning up

What others left 

Behind